MY CAT IS SMARTER THAN YOUR DOG BECAUSE HE TOLD ME SO!

08Apr14

Recently I came across an article which indicated that someone had developed a device which could translate what a dog’s barks meant and translate them into human language so that we could understand what the dog was trying to communicate to us. The hype for the device was presented as if someone had just broken through a communication barrier and we should all now be thrilled at suddenly knowing what dogs really think about us. I was not necessarily impressed with this sudden break through because I have known for a long time that my cat, Mr. Mistoffeleese, (more commonly known as Mr. M) could communicate with me without the need for such a ridiculous device.

Whenever I would play rough with him, he would scratch and bite me just to let me know he wasn’t intimidated by my size or fast movements. All during his life, I saw him only twice back away from two dogs which were both much bigger than him and snuck in on him from his back side while he was concentrating on something else.   He never bit much deeper than to draw bold. But when he did draw a little blood, he would just back away and after licking his lips, he would look up and his eyes would say, ”hum, you taste good—but not that good!”. Then he would charge forward to attack another part of my body. I even watched him one day laying out in the yard sunning himself (as cats do during late afternoon hours) when a Red Tailed Hawk landed in the branch of a tree less than ten yards from him. As the hawk eyed him as a prospective meal, he just laid there as if he never had a care in the world. I was about ten yards to the side of him almost forming a perfect triangle between him and the hawk which seemed to have no concerns about my presence in the situation.

The hawk would first look at me, then him (Mr. M), then back to me as if it couldn’t decide which between Mr. M and me would be the best meal. I was ready to jump to Mr. M’s defense but in reality, I could tell by the occasional swishing of Mr. M’s tale, that he had no concern what so ever about that hawk or its intentions. In fact I’m sure that if it had dropped down from its perch on the tree limb to grab Mr. M, it would have found much more than it expected and I know that Mr. M’s response would have been–as he was biting down on a thigh, “ah, now this taste more like chicken, and I love chicken!”. After about fifteen minutes, my wife came out to check on us and I assume that the hawk figured that he was completely outnumbered because he finally left. Later that day I told Mr. M about the hawk and he just licked a paw as if to say, “smart hawk, cause I really love chicken!”.

Occasionally Mr. M would catch a chipmunk or a snake and he always would bring them to me or someone else just to let us know that his hunting skills were still very proficient and that he was smarter than most other animals. In fact that was how he really proved his salt when he first joined our family. I found him one late October morning following a student to school in the rain. The student entered the school and closed the door without so much as a look back to say, “I’m sorry but you can’t come in with me, cause this is a school and cats can’t learn like humans can!”. Seeing this kitten just sitting there in the rain eying the door told me that he was a special cat and that all he needed was someone to be able to prove that too. I have always believe that some humans are smarter than some other humans and that some animals are also smarter than some humans as well and in this case I can unconditionally say that Mr. M was definitely smarter than some of the humans that I have known.

One indication of his intelligence was when he learned about my wife’s hatred of bats. He politely set out and caught a bunch of them in the house for her.   His first catch was on the evening when we had my secretary and her husband over for supper. I’m not sure but for some reason our conversation at the end of supper touched upon the fact that my wife hated bats and about ten minutes later here comes Mr. M from the basement with a live bat in his mouth. My wife had just picked up a hand full of dishes and was placing them in the sink when Mr. M came up the stairs with the bat being held gingerly in his mouth, walked right past us, and dropped it right behind my wife’s feet waiting for a thank you. You throw a bone and a dog will fetch and you think it’s a big deal, but how many doges will fetch you a bat cwhen you simply say that you don’t like bats? Now that is a skill and an understanding of the English language!

Speaking of the bats in our house, we use to play a game. Mr. M would catch them and bring them to me. My wife would say to me. ”get rid of that thing” and “thank you Mr. M for catching it!”. I would pick it up, take it outside and turn it loose. After about fifteen repetitions of this sequence, my wife suddenly started accusing us of a conspiracy to use the same bat time after time to convince her to like and want to keep Mr. M.   But later she did confess that she had library several patrons who had ask if they could barrow Mr. M for a week or two to help them get rid of their bat problems.

Each day I could come home from school and tell Mr. M about everything that had occurred during that day knowing full well that he would never break confidentiality and tell anyone else what I had told him. Sometimes he would jump on my lap and tell me about his adventures while I was away. He rarely complained even when he was sick. Even when he visited the vet, he took their prodding and poking seemingly knowing that it was all for his own good. Whenever we would leave the house, he would go to his food dish and wait for his expected treats. All I had to do was pick up my car keys and he knew that meant that we were going to leave and he was supposed to get some treats. When someone came to the house, he always wanted to interrupt the conversation until he was acknowledged by the guest and then he would find a quiet place close by and listen to our conversation rarely making any judgments or objections.

Once I got very sick and spent a number of days in the hospital. My wife said that while I was gone he would roam the hose whining or moaning and hunting for me with long soulful meows. When I came home and was bedridden for about ten days, he would come up on my bed, lick me, purr and lay as close as possible either on my head or at my side as if to care for me. It was as if he knew I was sick and he wanted to assure me that with his help I would get better. Whenever he left, it wasn’t long before he would return to check on me and comfort me. I really believe he knew that I was sick and he was concerned about me. I also believe that he was doing everything that he knew to do to help me heal just as I had done to help him when he was first brought into our family. At that time I had promised him that if he was able to survive the first few days with us, he would never go hungry again and that he would always be loved and respected as an equal part of our family.

Unfortunately after twelve years of a wonderful relationship and many interactions, he contracted some type of disease with an infection that three different veterinarians could not treat or cure and I had to make the decision to have him put to sleep. Although he never complained while the illness ravaged his body, the infection caused him to refuse to loose over half of his body weight because he would not 9or could not) eat. He lost the sight in one eye and his enthusiasm for life just seemed to disappear. I have to believe his last sigh in my arms said thank you for caring for me, I did have a wonderful life, and just maybe we will be lucky enough to meet again the next time around.

When I started teaching during the middle 1960’s, there was a clear delimitation established between humans and the rest of the animal world. At that time no one even bothered to consider that plants might have any type of characteristics associated with higher life forms because first of all they couldn’t even move let alone make any sounds or emit any defenses or communicate. If one believes that only humans can communicate, then only humans can communicate which is the same as when it was thought that the earth was flat or the earth was the center of the universe: when that is the belief of the time, it just is the belief of the time and you don’t dare question it.

The Scopes monkey trial was still in the minds of the adult population within that area of the United States so to question the current beliefs of the period by saying that animals may communicate with one another was somewhat scary and controversial. It was only after Goodall, Fossey, Gladikas, and others– through their observations– established that chimpanzees and gorillas do communicate with others, establish a hierarchical orderly society, and use self-made tools that many of the misconstrued beliefs began to give way to new scientific discovery. Since then, it has been demonstrated that many more animals do have and use such capabilities.

In fact it wasn’t until Helen killer established that she could successfully communicate with others that our society recognized that humans could communicate without having sight and sound capabilities. Up until then humans without these two senses were considered “deaf and dumb” and they were treated like animals by their own species. Just think how these people would respond today if we treated then as they had been treated before Ms. Killer’s time. Sadly there are still some who believe and treat other humans as if they have less value or are less intelligent just because of their ethnicity or beliefs.

According to an article related to a presentation on Good Morning America dated 2/26/2014 by Liz Fields, a group of Scandinavian scientist from The Nordic Society for Invention and Discovery are working on a prototype form of technology which would combine electroencephalography sensoring capabilities, micro computing equipment, and brain-computer interface software to acquire the different utterances, determine what they mean, translate them, and then rebroadcast them into different human languages. Although this task hasn’t been completely completed yet because of a few minor ethical problems that need to be resolves such as how to connect the sensors into the animals without hurting them to the need perhaps for appropriate censorship when and if necessary,   I believe that it is quite possible that one day in the future they will be successful.

Successful miniaturization of the equipment also needs to be taken into consideration as no dog lover would want his favorite pooch to have to carry around say 30 extra pounds of equipment just to say “supper tonight stinks”, or “Its already 8:30 in the morning and I really, really need to go outside you dumb ******!” ( I’m sure there are a lot more phrases that dogs think of which could be uttered but are probably unprintable, not to mention the secretes they hold relative to their masters that could be divulged or would be good for black mail just as in the Doritos Super bowl commercials prophesize).   Once successful, they are hoping to reverse the process so humans could use the same technologies and be able to converse with their pets in their native Woof or bow wow languages with the human being also able to wear the same equipment with the same type of sensoring electrodes stuck into their brains.

I’m actually not sure about the practicality of such technology. I don’t doubt ion the slightest that it could be done and I’m sure that we would learn a lot more about our pets which would cause us to be much more compassionate towards them. I’m sure that it would also open up a whole new world relative to the ability to communicate with all types of animals ranging from elephants to snakes as they hiss their way across our paths. In fact one day this technology might even be expanded to the insect world where we could hear the pleas of a grasshopper begging for its life when caught by a human to saving a tree in the forest from falling or helping it back up after it has fallen.

Maybe this idea isn’t such a good idea after all. Let’s face it; we already have enough of a problem just communicating from one human to another using the same language. Just look at our political system not to mention spousal misunderstanding sibling rivalry or religious intolerance. Think about what it would be like if we had to add translations from other life forms when we can’t even communicate successfully between different human languages. Our whole ecological balance could be turned upside down if every living thing realized through intercommunications that they don’t like to be raise to be eaten by us and that they don’t like the pollution which is killing them made by us.

On second thought, maybe I’m just getting too old to accept this technology and the world has passed me by. I am, in spite of my old age, however just as content to know and believe that I understand my pets when they talk to me without any additional interference from technological breakthroughs because I already know and accept the fact that they can communicate if we only listen and I know that cats are smarter than dogs when it comes to intelligence because my cat told me so. I’m just so sorry that he is no longer around to verify this fact! Those who would question my account with Mr. M probably would have the same problems with Mr. Bach and his relationship with Johnathan, a noted flight tactician.

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